Archive | December, 2012

And we wonder how we got here…

1 Dec

“It’s not how you start but how you finish that matters.”

The day after writing the previous blog post, recounting the lessons I’ve learnt and have been learning, I felt an unexplainable feeling of unhappiness. Vicious thoughts swarmed in my mind challenging my belief that God has a plan for my life and that my life can account for something. Honestly, its weird, but I have never felt this sense of helplessness before, till the illness shook me and I realized how fragile life is, how in an instant, all our efforts can come to naught.

Yet, I pushed myself through the day, just trying my best to get through it. All the while dreaming of my bed, thinking a good night’s rest would do. With that mindset, I set off to cell.

I had long forgotten how terrible public transport can be, especially in very, very crowded areas. Like, Tampines. x.x And it was actually my first time getting on the bus alone to Faye’s place. So, besides being slightly unsure of where I was headed, I was also squashed in with people all around, who had no concept of personal space. Okay, I acknowledge that all perimeters of personal space are practically abolished in crowded SBS buses, BUT STILL. I guess we all have days like that, when even the tiniest things just irritate you.

Halfway into my journey, a painful 5 minutes, I was still stewing in my very important irritated thoughts, when 3 teenagers boarded this very crowded bus. And yes, they inched into my invisible and non-existent, personal space. As I was about to scowl at these boys, one of them turned his back to me.

At that time, it was like God hit me so hard. A massive hit to the chest, especially in that area where my heart is.

The young boy, who was happily laughing and smiling, had his right arm, deformed and twisted up behind him. What I had tried to do for myself the whole day, and what I had been encouraged to remember throughout the day, could not be compared to what God did in a mere second. Literally. In that one instant, He reminded me of the work He had done in my life.

I felt so ashamed. How ungrateful I am, after just one day. How easily I forget.

“God, please forgive me,” was all that was in my heart after that.

We start our lives, and before we know it, days, months, and years have passed us by. At some point, we stop, and we wonder how we got here. As a zone, we are going through the Journey of Israel and the lessons to be learnt. As one of the guys so aptly mentioned last night, so many of us start well, but not as many finish well.

Why?

The little things matter. Ever wondered why archery is such a difficult sport? Well, because just the slightest variation in your aiming will get you way, way, way off course. With the children of Israel, they slowly made decisions that eventually led to their total lack of trust and disbelief in God’s character 😦  And that same principle works in all our lives, it’s the decisions for the small things that make a difference. Do we choose to trust, or do we choose to defend. To love, or to hate. To forgive, or stay angry.

Let’s be encouraged to take steps that bring us closer to God and His love, and one day be able to wonder in awe of how His grace carried as through. Not wonder in shock at how far away we’ve gone from where our hearts had truly longed to be; close to the Father.

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